empathy, noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
This article will look at empathy and its application in negotiation. We will examine the basic selfish human nature that affects negotiation and how to deal with this to achieve a win-win solution.
We often only focus on what we want in life. We fail to take into account the other side and their point of view. In fact, Malhotra and Bazerman in their book Negotiation Genius have taken this concept further. They talk of overreaching optimism – viewing oneself through rose tinted spectacles. In a survey of husbands and wives they found that inevitably when they asked each party separately of their own contribution to the relationship, the sum was always more than 100%. This shows that we often overestimate ourselves and underestimate the other side. Empathy is one way we can overcome this.
Good negotiators think about the other side. The best negotiators eat, sleep and drink as well as walk in the shoes of the other side. As a lawyer, I was trained to prepare the other side’s arguments. Based on this I would prepare a rebuttal. By putting myself in the other person’s shoes, I was able to prepare a well-argued case that resulted in a settlement.
We will examine a few scenarios of how companies or individuals could look at “the other side” to increase value in negotiations.
Table 1. Simplified Negotiation Grid
| You | Counterpart | Common/shared | |
| Positions
|
|||
| Interests
(in order of priority)
|
|||
| Possible outcomes
|
Using the simplified negotiation grid, we are able to work out what the various parties’ positions and interests are. We can therefore focus on the key drivers for both parties. Skilled negotiators will also be able to revisit the common/shared interest to result in a win-win negotiation.
One of my favourite examples is the movie ticket role-play that we use in the juarezlowe negotiation class.
Example 1. Movie ticket role play summary
Ali
Ali has 2 tickets for the Gold Class Cinema show at 730pm costing RM60/each (USD18/each) for his date. Ali is 23 and has just started work earning RM2000/month (USD606). His date has just called him to say that she can’t make it. His boss has just called him to ask him to come back to the office. As the tickets are quite expensive, he doesn’t want to waste them. The time is now 715 pm and the line has around 30 people in it. He decides to sell them to someone at the back of the ticket queue.
Chong
Chong has his first anniversary celebration with his wife tonight. Chong works as a manager at a multi national company earning RM9,000/month (USD2,727). He has been really busy at work and forgotten to book the tickets that he promised to at the Gold Class Cinema. He manages to get out of the office and arranges to meet his wife at the cinema. She is not very happy as she expected to be picked up. Instead she took a taxi to meet him. During their brief conversation, she asked him “Did you remember to get the tickets dear?” to which he replied “Of course”. He arrives at the cinema at 710pm. To his horror, there is a long queue of 30 people. 5 minutes later Ali approaches him to sell 2 tickets. He looks up and the display above tells him that the seats for the Gold Class movie are “selling fast”.
Participants are given 3-5 minutes to conduct this role-play.
We find that price variance between participants can range from RM30/ticket (USD9) to RM120/ticket (USD36). Why is there such a huge variance?
Table 2. Application of Simplified Negotiation Grid to Movie Ticket Role-Play
| Ali | Chong | Common/shared | |
| Positions | Full price for tickets. | Buy tickets at discount.
|
Tickets for sale and purchase |
| Interests (in order of priority) | 1. Avoid losing money.
2. Find a buyer fast.
|
1. Avoid getting in trouble with wife.
2. Buy the tickets at all costs. |
|
| Possible outcomes if no agreement is reached | Lose large portion of salary and be late for boss.
Find alternative buyer in ticket queue. |
Get into major trouble with wife.
Buy roses and gifts to make it up to wife.
|
Key pitfalls in Movie ticket role-play
1. Most participants take a narrow one-sided approach and start talking first and don’t listen.
2. They don’t take time to talk to the other side to discover the other side’s interest.
3. They fail to consider what will happen should neither party be able to reach agreement.
Key lessons from the Movie Ticket Role-Play
1. Take a deep breath and listen.
2. Focus on the other side by asking questions. What are the things that you are looking for in a product/service?
3. Consider both your possible outcome as well as your counterpart’s possible outcome.
Application of empathy to real life situations
1. Focus on what the other party really wants. Ask key questions to find it out. A lot of the time the other party may want something that costs less to us than he/she values it at.
Example 2. Hotel Negotiation
When negotiating with a hotel, one of the things that they can give is a buffet coupon that doesn’t cost them anything (the buffet costs are fixed). This is a cost to the other party.
2. Take the time to develop a connection with the negotiating party. Ice-break and spend a short amount of time on “the courting period”.
Example 3. Training negotiation
When chatting with one client, I discovered that one key factor in decision making was whether or not the vendor would organize the training venue. Had I not spent the time to get to know the client, I might not have found this out.
3. Prepare both sides of the simplified negotiation grid before you enter a negotiation to the best of your ability.This allows you to realistically assess the negotiation.
Example 4. Vehicle financing negotiation
When negotiating with some banks for financing for a company I used to work with, I realized that the financial market was increasingly competitive. I therefore commenced negotiations with 2 banks that we had a relationship with and 1 bank that wanted our business. This knowledge enabled me to negotiate a competitive financing package for our commercial vehicles that resulted in meeting our annual profit targets within 5 months.
This has been a short article on how to apply empathy in a negotiation setting to avoid a narrow one-sided focus. juarezlowe Sdn Bhd conducts courses on negotiation as well as negotiation consulting. Unlike other consultants, our negotiation fee structure can be partly tied into the amount of savings or extra value of the contract. To find out more, please email negotiation@juarezlowe.com.
